This time last year the media astrologers were faced with a difficult dilemma. How to come up with their usual positivity overload to satisfy their magazine’s requirements for the entertainment of the masses in the face of the impending doom of the Jupiter / Saturn / Pluto conjunction in Capricorn that brought us Covidacpocalypse.
But there’s no such Capricorn pessimism to worry about this time.
The grand conjunction has us all ready to put the past behind us as we sail on into the New Age where we can all go back to buying stuff and selling our souls.
But fair enough, after a year like 2020, the public need to be given something positive to get them out shopping and the Jupiter / Uranus square should definitely help lift things for a while.
A quick glance at the ephemeris shows this optimism should last for about a week around Inauguration Day.
As a general rule an incoming President receives a honeymoon that lasts for 100 days and generally tries to take advantage of this by pushing through as many of his own policies as possible.
For Sleepy Joe Biden we are probably talking about 10 days.
Because Jupiter is moving quickly and the main transiting aspect for 2020 that takes over at the beginning of February is the square between Saturn and Uranus.
Uranus has been in conservative Taurus for the last couple of years which explains how pea brain MAGA boguns can claim that they are the true freedom fighters.
Saturn, the most conservative planet is in the most radical sign and with Uranus the other way round, its likely that most of the focus will be on a standoff between the progressive and reactionary forces.
So the main feature of 2021 will not be the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, it will be one of optimism being thwarted by disappointment. However after 2020 we will take any scraps being offered.
But Capricorn Research gets bored with all these vague, generalised offerings. They are not actual predictions, just something open ended that the author can later claim was accurate whatever happens.
What readers want is to know what will actually happen to particular people.
So here goes.
With Uranus making its final conjunction to Melania Trump’s Sun, she will get the separation that she so desperately wants. Its trine to her Moon as well so that prenup will get honoured in full.
Her Sun is conjunct Saturn however so she will find that a half share of a £ 400 million debt and the Deutsche bank closing in will mean its back to pole dancing in Slovenia for her.
James Hewitt has Uranus conjunct his Sun so the Daily Mail will finally run out of insults for Prince Harry and just show proof that Hewitt was his real dad all along.
Meghan Markle has Saturn in the 7th opposite her Sun so she will find out about this and divorce him.
David Beckham has Uranus conjunct his Sun so he will be playing away again, and given their synastry it will probably be with Meghan, having convinced her that he really is British royalty.
Victoria Beckham has Pluto square her Sun so she will explode into a thousand tiny sharp pieces.
Kendall Jenner has Uranus opposite her Scorpio Sun so she will receive some bad investment advice from a pop astrologer and lose her whole fortune overnight.
Kim Kardashian has Pluto approaching her Sun so because she is pissed off at Donald Trump for not nominating her for that Supreme Court seat, she will become a Democrat.
Ellen DeGeneres has a Uranus half return and Saturn conjunct her 12th house Sun so she will get divorced and become a nun.
Prince Andrew has Pluto conjunct his Mars so he will finally get nailed for his Epstein related antics. But he also has Jupiter conjunct his Sun so he will receive a pardon from Donald Trump sitting behind his little desk in the cupboard under the stairs at the White House.
Hugo Chavez will have Saturn in his 8th house opposite his Sun so he will come back from the dead and admit that he fixed the election in favour of Joe Biden.
Vladimir Putin will have Uranus in his 7th house opposite his Venus so will get married to his long time secret boyfriend.
And finally Neptune is conjunct Rupert Murdoch’s Sun and square Jerry Hall’s Venus so she will get so sick of waiting to cash in that the next time they go swimming she will hold his head under water long enough to put us all out of our misery.
I’m starting to feel better about 2021 already.
Have a great Xmas everybody.
Posted December 23rd 2020