Third Time Lucky ? Learning The Rules Of Engagement

Clients often ask if they are tied to the patterns of their birthchart for life.

The answer to that is Yes. And No.

Planetary patterns are not restricted to one form of expression. They will describe a symbolic range.

We are very much tied to that and can’t escape it to another one altogether. In fact the greatest gift that astrology can bring you is a recognition and acceptance of that range as being your own. This also gives us a chance to free ourselves. Not from it, but within it.

We have some degree of conscious choice about where we want to exist and function within that range.

One very simple way of doing that is to astrologically elect the really important moments in our life.

And the single most important one is our wedding date. Getting a good chart will not only mean everything will go well on the day, it becomes the birthchart for your marriage.

If there’s any single chart that might take over and steer your life in a different direction, it will be this one.

Most people don’t get their wedding dates astrologically elected, so what happens then is the Universe will pick a moment that symbolises the relationship that the couple already have and also the one they are meant to have in the future.

So if you have challenging 7th house natal patterns, you will inevitably get married on a day that reflects that.

And unless you are an emotional masochist, you would naturally want to pick a good one.

It would make sense to get any subsidiary charts elected as well, because they would probably have some bearing on the wedding chart.

The engagement chart for example. If this is problematic, its likely to impact on the wedding.

I was reflecting on this because a client who had a very difficult marriage chart, recently told me when her engagement was.

Her wedding chart was very stressful, particularly with the 7th house placements. This actually reflected both parties own natal charts.

The marriage actually lasted for over 40 years but it wasn’t a happy one and there were affairs involved.

The chart contained a tight Sun / Pluto conjunction and there was a T square based on an exact Moon in Virgo in the 7th opposition to Saturn in the 1st.

This opposition formed a T Square with Jupiter in Taurus in the 4th house and the couple stayed together for the sake of the family and because they had a nice family home which they couldn’t afford to split between them.

I looked up the engagement chart, fully expecting to see more of the same, but was surprised to find that it had none of those elements and was actually quite romantic.

I guess this was making a statement about the couple’s relationship at the time, which soured after a few years of marriage.

Another couple I looked into who were obvious soulmates have just got me to elect their wedding date so they will obviously do well in their lives together.

I looked at their engagement chart and it was horrible.

Pluto and the South Node were in the 7th with Saturn conjunct its cusp.

The Moon was conjunct Venus but opposite Uranus.

The Sun was exactly square to a Mars / Neptune conjunction.

They had planned to get married later that year but an unexpected tragedy meant they were separated for 4 years and have now been reunited and will finally marry very soon.

Based on both of these experiences and numerous others I’ve come across, I’ve come to see the engagement chart as a contract. It may say something about the relationship between the couple but it will also indicate whether that proposal will be carried through and whether they will actually walk down the aisle.

I asked my Facebook followers if anyone had times and dates for engagements that had fallen through before the wedding day.

I had a few replies, but decided to post a piece about one of them, a lady who had been engaged three times.

It is possible to see this experience in her natal chart.

Venus in Pisces in the 7th is a gentle kind of placement, the type that would dream of a romantic wedding.

It’s opposition to Pluto as part of a T square with Jupiter in Sagittarius shows the problem however. The outcome is anything but dreamy.

It’s also interesting that Mercury in the 5th house could be symbolic of an engagement contract. It’s tight square to the Moon in Scorpio in the 3rd looks like there are hidden clauses.

It’s interesting that both her Venus and Mercury were activated by the chart for the moment of her first engagement.

Venus and Mars together in her Sun sign would normally be considered as a perfect proposal moment, but the conjunction with Uranus adds a touch of the unpredictable.

With all this in Aquarius, the engagement was never likely to proceed in a conventional manner and the fact that it hit her Mercury / Moon square meant that wedding bells would not be sounded.

The Moon in Virgo in the 2nd square to Pluto and quincunx Uranus might indicate financial difficulties.

All this coupled with the Sun right in her T Square on her apex Jupiter showed that the walk down the isle would be in the opposite direction to the altar.

The second engagement chart six years later had very similar qualities.

Again there’s a 4 planet stellium in her Sun sign.

This time it’s the Moon and Venus providing the romantic conjunction but Neptune’s involvement makes it an unreliable one.

The Sun and Mercury opposite Saturn focusing on an apex Mars in Aries is more war than peace.

Maybe the 2nd house Mars is also pointing to financial disagreement.

S’s natal Jupiter / Pluto square is reenacted here with Jupiter in the 7th house.

Just like in the chart for the first engagement, there are no planets in any of the Venusian type signs, and the Moon and Venus have fairly cool placements.

It’s more political protest march than wedding march.

Her 3rd engagement, three years later did result in marriage.

It’s interesting that Venus in the first two charts was at 5 and 3 Aquarius.

Here it’s exactly opposite at 5 Leo and in the 7th house of marriage to boot.

There is a T Square involving the Sun and Jupiter which focuses onto an apex Uranus in the 2nd house which could point to tricky financial issues.

There is a Saturn / Neptune opposition which falls within 5 degrees of S’s natal Sun.

Given that Saturn is in the 7th, this might suggest that she has settled for something less than ideal, perhaps partly motivated by her previous experiences.

But it’s also important to remember that S was born with a Saturn / Neptune opposition from the MC to the IC, so this one occurring in the other angles is an essential theme for her.

Maybe it’s possible to treat the engagement proposal chart as a horary asking the question will this contract be fulfilled ?

If so, it’s interesting to note that in S1 and S2 there is no connection between the rulers of the 1st and 7th houses.

In this one the chart ruler, ( Saturn ) is in the 7th house and connected to its ruler ( the Moon ) by a close trine aspect.

Wedding bells rang 4 months later.

It’s fascinating how many connections there are with the engagement chart.

Venus and Saturn are again in the 7th house, but this time conjunct each other and also connecting with the South Node.

Another opposition to a 1st house Neptune is there, this time with the Moon performing the 7th house role.

The Moon and Venus in Leo in the 7th would certainly point to a romantic experience, but the connections with Saturn and Neptune would make you wonder how long that would last.

They stayed together for the best part of a decade.

In 2009 – 11 S’s progressed Sun was conjunct her 7th house Venus.

This will usually coincide with either meeting one’s true soulmate or a very significant moment in their lives together, perhaps getting married or the birth of their first child.

Or perhaps S met up with someone completely different during this period.

If so it is likely to have contributed to the breakdown of their marriage because her Venus is opposite Pluto and her progressed Sun came to form this opposition in 2016 – 17.

They split in August 2017.

This was not a great day for relationships in general with Venus in Cancer opposite Pluto and forming a T square with an apex Jupiter in Libra.

There is also an opposition between Mercury and Neptune which falls across S’s Ascendant / Descendant axis.

Uranus is conjunct S’s natal Mars and in the separation noon chart it falls right on the Descendant.

This chart has a connection with both engagement and wedding charts.

The 7th house Saturn of the engagement is in the same degree as the 7th house Moon of the wedding and the Sun of the separation.

And of course all these placements fall opposite S’s natal Aquarian Sun.

The chart for the day the divorce was granted was equally difficult.

Venus was conjunct Uranus and Mars was conjunct Saturn, both within a couple of degrees.

Uranus was exactly ( 5 minutes of arc ) conjunct S’s Mars.

But the real killer was that the divorce Pluto was exactly conjunct the Ascendant of the wedding chart.

It would be interesting to know the exact moment the divorce was granted, but the noon chart will often symbolise the issue at hand.

Here that Pluto is exactly on the 7th house cusp.

And you would naturally expect it to be Pluto, because it is opposite S’s natal 7th house Venus.

Could S’s experience have been different given that natal pattern ?

Who can say, but at least by electing the moments for getting engaged and married, she would have given herself a better chance.

We can’t change our natal chart but we can give our placements a bit of help.

Given the amount of time, effort and cash that goes into picking the flowers for a wedding, you might think at least that would be spent on ensuring that the marriage lasts longer than they do.

So if your paramour suddenly drops down on one knee at your favourite restaurant, get your phone out quick and check the chart for the moment before a ring is produced.

Of course, if they’ve just gone to tie a shoelace you might look a bit daft, but you can always save yourself by saying you wanted to check the chances of them tripping over it.

If they object to such obsessive use of astrology, best to dump them straight away.

You certainly don’t want to spend the rest of your life, or even the rest of your meal with such an idiot.

But of course the chart for the moment will already have told you that.

Posted on 2nd September 2023

As a postscript, I received a message from S after she had read the article.

” Blimey, proper spot on CC! First engagement left me with a tonne of debt – he couldn’t get credit so daft lass here did, 2nd was just tricky and political protest is bang on. Third one and marriage – turns out my former husband proposed on his Venus return! And I did meet someone on a reiki course where sparks flew from nowhere in August 2010- it was v unexpected and although nothing happened, it rocked my world to its core and took some readjusting for sure. Anyhow. Five years single and if I do meet someone else, before things go anywhere near committed I’m sending you their chart. And if it gets serious then no big anything’s without an electional horoscope
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