” Woke up. Fell out of bed.
Forgot to drag a comb across my head. “
The famous Beatles track starts every day in the life of Boris Blowjob Johnson.
They say you can’t polish a turd but at least most Tory leaders try.
If we create our world in our own image, Johnson has left the UK in a sweaty, dishevelled, bloated mess, the whole country on its knees crawling through sewage.
Boris Johnson was born with the Sun exactly conjunct a retrograde Venus. These two bodies are also closely parallel. This was almost an eclipse ( which astronomers call a transit of Venus ) which is so rare that it never happens more than once a century.
I have not written much about Venus, but since its interrelationship with the Sun is so crucial to progressed soulmate astrology, it’s worth taking time out from this study of scumbaggery to consider it.
Out of all the planets, Venus spends the shortest amount of time retrograde, approximately 6 weeks once every 1.6 years. It also has the longest time between retrograde periods
As its speed is similar to the Sun, when Venus is running forward a conjunction between the two will last for about six weeks, when it’s retrograde it would be a fortnight tops.
An exact conjunction ( up to 1 degree ) between a direct Venus and the Sun would last up to a week, a retrograde one would be over in 12 hours.
So there is a significant difference between the two.
Venus is the principle of attraction, the planet most closely linked with the art of making love.
If we think of it as describing a person’s capacity to give and receive love ( as well as nice things ), it’s very likely that someone with a retrograde Venus in exact conjunction with the Sun in Gemini as part of a Grand Trine including a Scorpio Moon and Saturn in Pisces as being someone who is incapable of giving but would take big time from all and sundry.
Another factor that impacts significantly on the Sun / Venus relationship is its progressions.
The Progressed Sun moves a steady one degree a day, but the path of Venus is extremely variable.
It would take the Sun 90 years to make a major aspect to every planet in a chart by progression. Venus could do that inside 70 years but if it’s near it’s station it could take twice as long as the Sun to to cover that distance..
Boris Johnson is a case in point.
His progressed Venus slowly heads back as far as 20 Gemini and then comes forward again.
So until his mid forties when it comes back to conjunct his Sun it makes no aspects with anything at all, so that’s two marriages, four children, countless affairs and quite possibly other kids, and none of it meant anything at all to him.
Just so much water off a slug’s back.
As well as the Grand Trine, Blowjob has a T Square apex Mars and Jupiter in the 8th house exactly opposite a 2nd house Neptune.
All of which explains his innate and utterly incomprehensible capacity to get all kinds of people to give him infinite amounts of money and have sex with him.
Fifth house planets will often say something about our approach to children, and Saturn being involved in both these patterns and placed in Pisces there sums up his attitude to his offspring as being both disdainful and uncaring as well as confused and deluded about how many he actually has.
The 8th house has rich symbolism and with that Jupiter in Taurus there opposite Neptune in Scorpio, he’d be sticking his pecker into anything, including farmyard animals.
In the absence of Venus progressions the only way we can look for any kind of soulmate contact for Boris Johnson would be through his progressed Sun.
And the only one of any note in his first forty years was his progressed Sun sextile that Jupiter and trine Neptune.
This occurred when he shagged a dead pig’s head with David Cameron while at the Bullingdon Club.
As we know Cameron has no mates and no soul so therefore Johnson’s twin flame has to be Porky.
For another quarter of a century, no one else gave Blowjob as good a blowjob.
In 2009 at the age of 45, Boris Johnson had his first progressed Venus experience, coming back to its natal position conjunct his Sun and Venus. It was with art consultant Helen Macintyre.
How was the experience for her ?
For Macintyre with a Mars / Saturn conjunction on Johnson’s Sun it was like ” a wardrobe falling on you with the key still in the lock “.
Next up was pole dancer and ” businesswoman ” Jennifer Arcuri who reportedly received over £ 10,000 in public money for doing stuff in private with the current Prime Minister. This was apparently for ” technology lessons ” although Arcuri apparently told a friend that she had ” Boris bruises ” on her thighs and breasts. Maybe someone got their wires crossed.
No birthdate is available for Arcuri so we can’t imagine exactly how bruised she’d have been by the encounter. All we know is that this affair happened when Blowjob’s progressed Venus made its only aspect to his Scorpio Moon ( a trine ).
When his progressed Venus formed a trine with his Piscean 5th house Saturn, Boris Johnson decided it was time to settle down ( Saturn ) and have some more babies ( 5th house ) with a Sun / Moon Pisces who looked remarkably like his old Bullingdon soulmate.
I can now reveal that with an exact Venus / Pluto opposition hitting the very Jupiter / Neptune one that was being so delightfully triggered back in those pork heady student days in between burning fifty pound notes and urinating on beggars, Carrie is a reincarnation of Miss Piggy herself.
The Johnsons got together with Carrie’s progressed Venus forming a quincunx with the very demon it opposes so emphatically in her natal chart.
How was it for her ?
Well the last time she had her head cut off and her mouth rammed by Johnson’s johnson.
So pretty much the same this time round then.
In my early days as an astrologer I read a book that claimed a Sun / Moon Pisces had no options in this lifetime besides serving or suffering.
With her Sun exactly square to Blowjob’s own, this is the burden that Carrie is carrying.
Venus in Taurus would give you expensive taste in wallpaper, exactly opposite Pluto you’d have to pay very heavily for it.
The following year, 2019 was when the bloated pig shagger turned his revolting intentions on the whole country.
As a Gemini stellium, Blowjob would naturally have twin twin flames.
So just as the progressed Venus trine his 5th house Saturn brought his new baby mama, its sextile to his 11th house Uranus brought in his polly dolly.
Because every Boris has to have a Doris
Gonad is another Sun / Venus conjunction in Gemini.
Her Sun is exactly conjunct Blowjob’s disgusting apex Mars in the 8th.
Naturally anyone unfortunate enough to have an incarnation entangled with him would have to have a horrible chart and a tight Moon / Pluto apex Sun T square together with a Yod apex Saturn would take some beating.
Nadir Doris’ brief time in the limelight coincided with her progressed Venus making its only appearance in her T Square in conjunction with her Pluto and opposite her Moon.
It’s square to her Sun now as she resigns her own seat in Parliament to make way for her dumbarse soulmate, not realising that his own Neptune and Pluto transits have already marked him for an extended stay in Hades.
What’s left to say about these two ?
I’ll leave it to fellow Gemini Paul McCartney.
For Boris
” I read the news today, oh boy
About a lucky man who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad
Well, I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph “
For Doris
” She blew his load out in a car. She didn’t notice that the wind had changed.
A crowd of people stood and stared. They’d seen her face before.
Nobody was really sure if she’d get in the House of Lords “.
Posted on 18th June 2023
YOU CAN BOOK YOUR OWN PERSONAL ASTROLOGY CONSULTATION HERE
TREAT YOURSELF – REMEDIES INDIVIDUALLY TAILORED TO YOUR BIRTHCHART AND TRANSITS
PROGRESSED LIFE SUPPORT – WHEN WILL YOUR SOULMATE BE COMING ?
WHAT’S HAPPENING MAN ? USING HORARY TO ANSWER ALL YOUR QUESTIONS
HOW TO CHANGE YOUR FATE – USING ELECTIONS TO ENSURE THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME FOR EVERY VENTURE