Today as every astrologer insists on reminding us, is a very Big one. Jupiter is ditching his previously exalted girlfriend and is casting lecherous glances at at a new one with long blonde wavy hair.
Football managers everywhere are doing the same. With little more than a month to go before the transfer window ends, and so many of their hoped for deals tied up with the small matter of the World Cup, we will inevitably witness a fortnight or so of mayhem and panic with mobile phones frantically calling Carribean beaches while their targets try to avoid getting their photos taken having a crafty fag.
Naturally anyone who has had a kick during the tournament is being connected with a lucrative contract for one of the big boys. Even Lionel Messi, who did manage to get one or two during the group stage is being touted to PSG for 250 million Euros. Michel Platini may well be advised to look the other way for a little while.
Most of this stuff as usual is being peddled by agents and newspaper back pages with a serious post World Cup vacuum to fill. But as usual all the wrong targets are being chosen.
What’s the point in spending all your club’s hard earned on a player who peaked at the World Cup ? For one thing, they’ll be knackered and not very motivated. After the joys of Rio, who’s gonna pull their finger out for the proverbial wet Tuesday November night in Stoke ?
But much more importantly, Jupiter’s moved on guys. Cancerians have had their day. Even James Rodriguez, with the Sun and Moon in the sign, will never be the same again. No doubt Real Madrid will part with £ 70 million for him, but it will be largely wasted. From now on the same applies to fellow Cancerian, Gareth Bale but at least they bought him last year so they could reap Jupiter’s transit in May. £ 86 million for the Decima was probably a fair price.
So who should all these people be looking at then. Capricorn Research believes that transfers, like everything else in life should be done with the long term in mind. But its football, so sod that for a laugh.
What is really required is that any potential purchase has the Sun or Mars at about 15 degrees Leo so that come the business end of next season, Jupiter is handily placed to scoop up all the trophies. But to save readers frantically scanning the birthdates of all the players linked with their clubs, don’t worry Capricorn Research has done it all for you.
Here’s a few choice ones.
Southampton’s Dejan Lovren has Mars at 11 Leo and the Moon somewhere around there as well. Of course anyone with that combination would be used to getting his own way and if he doesn’t get his move to Liverpool he’ll ” scream and scream until I’m sick “.
Of course some people at Southampton will try and hang onto him, particularly as there’s already been a mass exodus, but whether that includes the owner pretending to be interested in football, who knows ? Not even Capricorn Research as its impossible to get Katharina Liebherr’s birth details. Saints fans should probably go to the ground this week, nailing everything down.
Talking of dodgy owners one advantage to Cardiff’s relegation is no more photos of Vincent Tan with his trousers pulled up round his chest. Obviously they will struggle to hold onto their few stars and Gary Medel will be the first on his way. This is one player who had a good World Cup that should be snapped up straight away as he has the Sun at 11 and Mars at 18 Leo.
Fulham’s similar plight means that Brian Ruiz is on his way somewhere. Despite the fact that he hasn’t performed for his club, he should not be allowed to leave these shores as he has Mars at 16 Leo and the Sun at 26.
As keepers go, everyone’s lining up to take Ochoa and Ospina on the back of their Cancerian exploits. Don’t bother, why not try Swiss stopper, Diego Benaglio with Mars at 16 Leo ?
The newspapers are ignoring Spain’s players because they think they’ve all aged 10 years overnight. This would be a major mistake in Pedro’s case as he has the Sun at 5 and Mars at 14 Leo. He should be easy to prize away from Barcelona as well given they simply want to fill their attack with the any South American that reaches a billion hits on twitter.
Another country who imploded during the World Cup was Ivory Coast and as a result the newspapers have stopped their weekly links of Salomon Kalou to any club in the Premier League. This has been a joke ever since he left Chelsea but isn’t any more as he has Mars at 7 and the Sun at 13 Leo.
Talking of Sun / Mars Leos, Mathieu Debuchy is apparently heading for Arsenal. But before any other managers reading this get on the phone to his agent, they ought to know that we are talking 5 and 2 degrees respectively, so the inevitable peak will be over by the time the season actually starts. It seems the transfer itself will be the best thing that happened to Debuchy, but since he’s coming from Newcastle, that’s probably a given.
Apparently West Ham are after Ecuador star Enner Valencia but this is the wrong one, its United’s Antonio that has Mars at 7 and the Sun at 12 Leo but its unlikely he’ll be available.
Punters are already suggesting Valencia as the perfect wing back in Van Gaal’s new look 3 – 5 – 2 United. He surely will be as manager and player’s Sun’s are conjunct each other.
Whilst we’re on the subject, who do readers think will be leading United’s attack next season ? An eloquent Dutch captain with his Sun two degrees away from that of his manager with Jupiter about to hit both of them or a monosyllabic Scorpio English trier coming up for his Saturn Return.
Leo Moons are more tricky because we only have noon charts so don’t know exactly when Jupiter will hit. But here’s a few suggestions anyway.
Gonzalo Higuain might be worth a shot and his price should have come down after missing that sitter.
Anyone scouting round for a left back, ( Spurs, Liverpool, Chelsea ? ) might be tempted to look at Mexico’s Francisco Rodriguez. His Moon is in the early part of Leo however so the same thing applies to him as Debuchy.
His team mate Giovanni dos Santos has it around 11 degrees might be a better option although his experience with Spurs has probably put him off England.
£ 200 million is probably a lot to invest on Jupiter conjunct someone’s Moon, but forget the Messi stories, just watch PSG come in for Cristiano Ronaldo who has it at 11 Leo opposite his Sun of course. In fact with Jupiter opposite the Sun being the single best indicator of a massive transfer deal ( see Luis Suarez over the next month ), its almost a given that Ronaldo will leave Madrid by next summer.
But the only place to finish this article is with Mario Balotelli. In case you hadn’t guessed Mario is a Leo, but more than that he has the Sun at the apex of a T Square from an opposition between Mars in Taurus and Pluto in Scorpio. The Sun / Mars square is a mere 7 minutes apart.
Jupiter will be there in October and January. Capricorn Research has no idea what’s going to happen, but desperately wants him back in the premier league in order to have a ringside seat.